Frostmourne Hungers!
by Desgarroth
Summary: Scheduled server maintenance, and Blizzard has assigned some unusual folks to beta-test Icecrown Citadel. Follow their epic journey through the frostbound halls as they move towards the final confrontation.


**First Wipe: Server Downtime  
**

The few NPCs near Krasus' Landing cowered in fear, as the King of Stormwind literally stormed down from his Gryphon, walking angrily towards the stairs that would lead him into the main part of Dalaran. Varian Wrynn, still fuming, took a left, as the stench of alcohol that assaulted his nostrils gave a very good indication of where he would find the person he was looking for.

Indeed, as the proud ruler of the Alliance entered 'One More Glass', he was confronted by the unsightly view of Magni Bronzebeard, King of the Dwarves and a loyal friend and ally, his face a bright crimson from the immense amounts of booze consumption that was evident from the number of empty bottles lying around. The shop's two female occupants were sitting on his lap, caressing his beard and making sexual jokes about short men. Well, this sort of thing happened during Scheduled Maintenance.

"Magni!" Varian growled, scaring the two vendors, who hid behind the Dwarf's bulk – with one of them being a High Elf, it wasn't that effective. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Ah" The incorrigible Dwarf muttered drunkenly. "I 'as 'aitin' far ya' a'd I thought I'd... hic! Pass the time..." The rest of the sentence was lost in a stupor-like murmur. Then abruptly he shook himself, apparently regaining consciousness. Dwarves did have a high tolerance for alcohol, after all.

"Speakin' a' which, what took ya so long?" He asked, eying Varian. "You 'ere s'posed to be 'ere 10 minutes now!"

"Not my fault I missed that stupid ship." Varian muttered sullenly, half-angry and half-ashamed. "You'd think that damned captain would wait for the fucking King of Stormwind, but noo, I have to wait one and a half minutes for the ship to reach Valiance Port, another minute for it to come back, an entire minute just sitting there at the Harbor waiting for passengers, and then another minute and a half to get back to Northrend! By the way, I have no idea why it takes much less time for a ship to reach another freaking continent than for a Gryphon to fly from one area to the next. And speaking of Gryphons, I also had to sit through the whole ride from Valiance Keep to Dalaran! Do you have any idea how sore my backside - " He cut off abruptly, as he noticed the two girls staring at him and giggling. He coughed quickly, hiding his blush.

"Why didn't you set your Hearthstone to Dalaran, foolish human?" A proud, commanding female voice resounded across the store, as the leader of the Night Elves, Lady Tyrande Whisperwind, entered, sniffing in disgust at the display. At her cold glance, the two serving women scurried about their business. Wrynn coughed again.

"My Hearthstone's set at Booty Bay." He said. At blank stares from both Tyrande and Magni, he raised his arms defensively. "What?! I just like the scenery down there."

"You like to gank lowbie Hordes, don't you?" Tyrande challenged.

"Speaking of lowbie Hordes..." Wrynn growled angrily, his hand reaching for the hilt of one of the longswords hanging from his back. Vol'jin and Cairne Bloodhoof entered the store, laughing loudly at some inside joke between themselves.

"Easy there, mon!" Vol'jin cackled in his annoying Troll accent. "There be no need for violence, be there?"

"Oh I'll show you some need for violence..." Wrynn retorted, half-drawing his blade.

"Enough!" Tyrande commanded. "We are here for a very specific purpose, and that purpose is very specifically not to quarrel pointlessly between ourselves. Is that clear?"

"Ya mon." Vol'jin muttered, cowed. Varian struggled.

"Varian?" Tyrande insisted, her eyes glowing dangerously.

"Alright, alright! I got it!" The king of Stormwind surrendered. "No more in-fighting! Now where's the rest? I don't want to be stuck here with you guys until 3.3 goes live!"

"Lady Sylvanas is talking to Lan'dalock to pick up the weekly raid quest." Cairne shrugged. "I have a feeling she just wants to stay away from her sister, though. Those two don't get along very well. Lor'themar is on some rooftop somewhere, gloating. The fact that he's actually going to be involved with something important in the new patch has him ecstatic."

"And Thrall?" Tyrande asked coolly, ignoring the fact that both parties had avoided mentioning the Horde leader.

"Oh, he be jus' doin' the cooking dailies." Vol'jin said.

FLASHBACK

"I am _not_ doing this without buff food." Thrall growled, causing half of Orgrimmar to cower in fear. The other half was already cowering in fear – Saurfang was around. "Vol'jin, don't you remember the last time we tried this thing?"

Vol'jin couldn't respond to this – indeed, the painful memory was etched in his mind. There had been four words only, before the shameful wipe.

_YOU ARE NOT PREPARED._

END FLASHBACK.

Even Tyrande shifted her feet uncomfortably at the memory. Sure, that was an entire expansion ago, but the scene was as vivid as ever.

"...and because he surmised noone would have the decency of bringing some buff food, he's training for Fish Feasts."

"How nice of him." Varian sneered.

"And from your side?" Cairne inquired before another argument could erupt.

"Velen ported to Shattrath to pay a visit to A'dal, but he forgot the portal's one-way." Magni shrugged, surprisingly sober now. "He's probably on some boat now, trying to find his way back to Northrend. He's kinda old, so he might be lost somewhere. And Jaina said she'd bring the Gnome. But they're kinda late."

"Oh, don't worry. Jaina usually runs a little late." Thrall said nonchalantly as he entered the room, smelling all sorts of different foods.

"Who's ma Horde bitch?" Varian's hand instinctively went for his sword.

"Varian!" Tyrande growled.

"Wait a minute, did you just quote Arthas from Warcraft 3?" Cairne asked.

"Did somebody say Arthas?!" Sylvanas walked in, a murderous look twisting her already murderous undead features.

"Yeah, so?" Thrall challenged.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?" Cairne retorted.

"Hold it!" Tyrande shouted. "I forbid any Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series references!"

"Why?!" Varian complained.

"Because shut up."

MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.

"A-choo!" Arthas sneezed.

_If you had to spend four years sitting on a throne of ice, you should at least have specced into Acclimation._ Frostmourne whispered.

END OF MEANWHILE.

Suddenly, a portal opened up right there in the middle of the shop. Wrynn gave off a very un-Kingly yelp as he jumped out of the way. A smiling Jaina walked through the opening, while Velen stepped forth right behind her, looking lost.

"Jaina! What took you so long?" Thrall asked.

"Oh, the High Tinker asked me to help him clear Gnomeregan. He said that now that the server is down for maintenance he might finally have a chance at reclaiming that damned place."

"So where is he now? Did you clear it?" Magni asked.

"No. I froze him after we killed the last boss, leaving the remaining Leper Gnomes to kill him, ninja'd the loot and disenchanted it, sold the mats on auction house, used the money to buy reagents, stumbled across Velen in the middle of the sea, and ported here. The Gnome's probably on a respawn timer right now, tee-hee."

"So wait a minute, are you telling me we have to wait another 2 hours for him to respawn?" Wrynn demanded.

"Nah, let's just take Jaina instead." Tyrande said. "That Gnome doesn't even have a proper class. I mean, 'Tinker'? He'd die within 5 seconds in Icecrown."

"Agreed." Thrall nodded.

"Can we please get started?" Sylvanas asked. "I want to get down to some Arthas killing soon."

"This is just beta version so I think Blizzard will have made the Lich King too strong to kill yet. We'll have to wait for the nerf, I fear." Cairne said solemnly.

"Anyway, someone get Lor'themar." Thrall noted. However, as if on cue, the man suddenly fell from the dome right outside the store, his body – his for some obscure reason naked body, except for a loincloth – shattering as it slammed against the pavement. Surely enough, a few moments later he rose, his fatal wounds disappearing as if they never were. Without a word, he started putting on his armor, which was miraculously retrieved from a small bag he carried on his waist.

"...Explanation?" Sylvanas asked, doubting she'd want to hear it.

"What? Oh!" Lor'themar exclaimed, finally noticing them. "Eh..." He blushed, as he struggled to put on his pants, under the scrutinizing gaze of Sylvanas, Jaina, and Tyrande. "I flew up on the roof and started dancing... but then the no-flight-zone debuff kicked in, so I couldn't fly back down... so I took off my equipment to save the repair bill."

"...Anyway, let's move out." Everyone nodded at that.

"..."

"So... how are we going to go there?" Sylvanas inquired after a long pause.

"Jaina?" Wrynn asked. The human sorceress shrugged.

"I can't open a portal to Icecrown." She admitted.

"Well then, let's fly." Thrall offered. Everyone moved out to the exterior of Krasus' Landing, summoning their mounts. Varian Wrynn, traditional as ever, brought forth a glorious Golden Gryphon. Jaina mounted her Silver Covenant Hippogryph, while Sylvanas mirrored her by releasing her Sunreaver Dragonhawk. Tyrande climbed onto her Cenarion War Hippogryph, while Magni hopped on his Armored Snowy Gryphon. Thrall and Vol'jin rode Red and Purple Swift Windstriders respectively. The bulkier Caine chose the heavy-duty Bronze Drake, but Velen surprised everyone by summoning a Magnificent Flying Carpet.

"What? You don't expect an old man to ride on such an uncomfortable beast?" He demanded as he sat cross-legged onto the rag, meditating. Now only Lor'themar was left. Everyone looked at him expectantly.

"Um... I... I don't have epic flying yet..." He muttered under all the stares. Silence reigned.

"Are you telling me that the Regent Lord of Quel'Thalas has not enough gold to train his riding skill?" Tyrande asked. "What in Elune's name do you spent all your gold for?"

"He spent 40,000 gold to buy Battered Hilt." Sylvanas cackled. "He wanted to see this all-important quest he'd take part into. Even though all he does is appear at the end and get solo'd by a freaking sword..."

"Let's just use the Meeting Stone..." Thrall sighed. They all kicked their mounts into motion, speeding off to the northwest, where Icecrown Citadel awaited.


End file.
